You know when you're a teenager and you think you've got it allll figured out? Only to look back on that part of your life and laugh hysterically at how stupid you were? Our parents like to remind us of this a lot, so I'm sure you know. Well, that's how I feel about looking back on my life before I had kids. And probably just my life in general. I wish that meant that I had it all figured out now, but I don't. The daily struggle is real. Really real. But I'm somehow surviving, and overall, I LOVE this mom-thing. I drank the kool-aid and I'm officially crazy about being Mommy to my two littles. And maybe just officially crazy. Here's the 5 things (but honestly this list could be endless) I didn't know before I became a mom:
1. I'm sure childbirth hurts for those who choose to go the au natural route, but I was all about that epidural so it didn't hurt for me. Well, not enough pain to count anyway. And since that didn't hurt then everything was roses, right?? I seriously thought I was out of the woods in the pain department! And then my epidural wore off. No one told me, but recovery hurts. Or mine did. And it gets worse with each kid, so the joke was definitely on me.
2. I had always heard people say "the dishes can wait", and so when I became a mother I was like, "YEAH THEY CAN!". So I tested that theory out. And I'm here to tell you that while the reasoning behind that advice is beautiful and totally sound, (spend quality time with your littles before they're all grown!) the dishes aren't waiting for anyone but youuuuu. Or, maybe your husband. But my dishes don't like to wait, my dishes are evil and like to multiply. My dishes are jerks. I leave a couple of them alone for TWO SECONDS (or a few days...) and they have like a bazillion offspring! It's seriously rude.
3. You have to hold your pee a lot. Sorry if that's TMI, but it's so dang true. I took both kids (for the first time) to the grocery store the other day and I really had to go. I wasn't about to take a cart, car seat, and a 2 year old to the bathroom with me. So I just silently died for about an hour. Even at home, I can't say to my screaming 4 month old, "Hey, could you hold that thought? Momma's really gotta pee" and expect a "Sure, Mom" in reply. BUT I did try that with my 2 year old and he agreed, but only if he could flush. So I guess that's something.
4. Feelings towards my hubby are complex. I usually spend most of my day missing him and thinking about how grateful I am that I married such a hard-working man who has no problem going to school and working AND raising a family all at once. Yet, the minute he's home I'm a blob of tears (some of them my own...okay most of them) and spit-up BEGGING him to please take this child out of my arms, and telling him I'm SO JEALOUS that he got to leave the house that day. Alone. Without car seats and hats and socks and shoes and diaper bags and crap I forgot the bobby (what we call a sippy cup at our house) and SERIOUSLY you just pooped?! All of that aside, my husband is amazing and never makes me feel like I'm doing this parenting thing on my own, or that I should be. I don't envy his work load and I'm oh-so proud of him for all he's doing. I probably just need to get out more. Alone, hah.
5. Feelings are complicated in general. Lot's of mom-guilt. Lot's of wondering why God decided to have screaming be a baby's main source of communication. Lot's of exhaustion. Lot's of pain. Emotional and physical. Chubby babies and car seat carrying mean that my back has been out since 2013. Lot's of feeling like I should want to be more than a stay-at-home mother because the world tells me that just doing that is a joke (which, this shouldn't even need to be said, but it's not). Lot's of joy. Joy that makes you so dang joyful you just want to throw up rainbows and confetti. Or cry them out of your eyes that are more often than not full of hot, happy tears.
If someone where to tell me I'd read the above and still want to be a mother, I'm sure I'd laugh and then maybe punch them. It doesn't make sense that the good parts of parenting outweigh the bad 10x over when you feel like the good parts don't come as frequently. I don't know how it works. But I'm glad I jumped on this crazy train. And I'm sure someday, down the road, when I'm peeing in complete peace, I'll wish I could go back.
Everett at 11 months
Della at 4 months
